Navigating Self-Consciousness on Your Wedding Day

Woah. I can hardly believe that the next wedding I’m going to is MY OWN. This crazy-amazing feeling is so fun. I’ve got a basement full of wedding goodies, my dress in its bag ready to go, and a man to marry. Full steam ahead, right?

Except that it’s also been a little uncomfortable at times, and I’m sharing this because I imagine some people who have had weddings will relate.

I thought I was immune to some specific bride-related insecurities because I’m a seasoned wedding photographer. Turns out, LOL. I’m not.

Two age-old messages I’m battling with are:

1) Society profits off of making us feel insecure. Duh. Buying sh!t will make you feel better! You just haven’t found the right potion yet!

2) We’ve all been inundated with messages from the media telling us that our wedding day is the PINNACLE OF OUR EXISTENCE. Our value is based on this day! The best day of our life!!!!! Everything, including me, has to be PICTURE PERFECT, or else we have FAILED.

These messages are relentless, unavoidable, and cruel.

At my gym, I see posters that advertise a “Bride Bootcamp.” I was told by a wedding dress salesperson that I was lucky to not be skinny, because I have more dress options. (What?) Even my dentist suggested that I have SURGERY to correct my gums before my wedding– a feature I hadn’t even complained or worried about!

Everyone’s looking, making comments, and the media is unrelenting. I have found that being a bride has been draining to say the least, during a time that should be beautifully happy.

I’m a logical person. I can talk my way out of thinking about these things, and avoid triggers that make me think about them. But in the corners of my psyche where the spiderwebs and childhood fears are, there are these messages that have seeped into my subconscious. What products should I buy to “glow up?” Should I buy an expensive Pilates membership? Should I dip my toe back into eating patterns I’ve spent years trying to undo?

What is the line between doing things to feel GOOD about myself, and doing things to “fix” myself?

To be totally real: sometimes I notice how different some of my clients look when I take their engagement pictures, and then when I see them to photograph their weddings. And I think, should I be doing what THEY are doing? (The amount of times I’ve asked my clients for their skincare routines is annoying even to me.)

There are some bridal prep services I’m excited about: my spray tans with The Bronzed Blonde, my hair appointments with Sante Salon, my lashes by the queen @jesschase_, & my treatments (including some Botox here and there) with @akdaesthetics at VT Glows. These ladies hype me up and I genuinely enjoy their services. They talk me out of doing too much, and sing my praises.

I’m realizing how precarious this time is emotionally, and I’m empathizing with my couples in a very new way. It’s totally changed the way I shoot. I have always been my couples biggest cheerleader. I highlight their absolute best qualities, and I aim to make everyone comfortable enough to nearly forget I am there. Now more than ever in my career, my goal is to create a space for clients to focus on THEM, the moment, this feeling.

If you struggle with this like I have, here’s a mantra to write down and repeat:

1) The love of your life adores you just the way you are.

2) Sorry, but your wedding isn’t about the photos.

3) Stop scrolling, and give yourself a break from alllllll the noise.

Maybe I should take my own advice.

(Me and Tom, photographed in 2023 by our friend @bestsidecaptures.)